pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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