Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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