I cannot find my penis.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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