Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
