That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
