listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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