Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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