my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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