dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Less talking, more tequila
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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