The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
