Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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