i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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