I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Quick, to the slutcave!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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