I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
