Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
is wine microwaveable?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
