some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
