i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize