Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
