I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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