puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize