i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
