Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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