Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
