so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
