im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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