I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Small penises have feelings too.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
