you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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