The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
