My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
