You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
