I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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