I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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