Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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