I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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