i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
