...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sarcasm needs its own font
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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