My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
