Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
