this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
