just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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