We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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