Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
