We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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