honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
