I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
