He kissed a someone with a penis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
