Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
