Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
