is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
