he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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