I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
