It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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