Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
