Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
