I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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