So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
