some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
