worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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