Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
