Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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