True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize