please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
