I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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