My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
