you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Dicks are not precious.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
