Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
