WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
