38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
