come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
