Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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