I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
