you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Never underestimate the power of titties
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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