come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
