Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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