last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
