cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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