if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
