Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
