We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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