DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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