my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
