just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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