yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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