is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
