How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
