I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
