I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize