Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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