I could make wine with my vomit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
