So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
