i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
