I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
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