Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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