Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
