i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A+ Viking dick
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