I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
