Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
