Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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