Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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