girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
