I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
