I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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