Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also, beer. Big fan.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
