Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize