im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
