Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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