mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am midnight drunk by noon
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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