How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
