I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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