I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All the doctor said was why
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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