GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
