how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She bit a glass in half.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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