allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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