I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
