it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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