the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize