idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
